Reframing_Part 6

Goal: doctor's appointment, post office, bank

I am PISSED!!!!!!  I have yet ANOTHER (at LEAST!) six MORE weeks to go with this damn frame on my leg!  In addition, the bottom of my frame was NOT removed as promised during my last visit.  Although the x-rays "looked good;" in fact, the doctor said, "I am happy with the x-rays.  The bone is filling in." Even with all the positive things he had to say, he will not move me along until my next visit. (Shit. The way things are going, I can't even hold on to that.)

I get that I need to be patient...I GET the doctor wants to "make sure" all is well; but DON'T KEEP getting my hopes up when you KNOW there is a GREATER chance that you may have to go back on your word!!!! At first, I was to be in a frame for three months, then I was given another six weeks, and now, I have ANOTHER six weeks added on.  I have been dealing with a messed up ankle since OCTOBER OF 2009!!!!  I AM TIRED!!!!! STOP RAISING MY HOPES!!!!!!

Okay...

Good things:

The bone is filling in;

I can put all my weight on my left side;

We no longer have to rotate my bone...the left leg is nice and straight;

My pin sites continue to look good...I can continue w/ maintenance;

I can continue to shower and get frame wet;

My next appointment is in two weeks...we will revisit everything.

I am still pissed...I don't think all that listing helped much. And on top of all of that, my doctor had the nerve to say I would probably have to permenatly go back into a leg brace when this was all said and done.  Really???  I was never so disillusioned that I thought he was going to make my leg completely normal.  I simply want my leg back to the days before my dislocated ankle.  I was not expecting a miracle...I gave up on that a long time ago.  I know that may sound self defeating, but God answered my prayers of healing in a different way.  HE blessed me with the ability to live despite my disability and has guided me every step of the way.  I was never looking for my doctor to act as a god. I truly like my doctor, but really?

I am tired.  I have been sitting on the sidelines for four months.  I have moved through being SERIOUSLY depressed, suicidal, and distant to now trying to reevaluate my life and figure what I hope to see happen in the second half of 2010.  I am saddened that I may have to return to something I wanted to walk away from, but maybe going back will lead me through the door I so want to get to.  Maybe.

Six more weeks. Whatever.