Goal: brush teeth, wash face…no expectations for the day.
Happy Valentine’s Day. Aside from my nurse visit and a few phone calls, my day was very quiet. Due to all I am going through, I had mixed emotions today. Usually, I am a fool for Valentine’s Day! I am a true Libra and I love, LOVE. Historically, I spend $$$$ at Hallmark, preparing for this day: I buy cards, stuff animals, and candy treats to celebrate those in my life whom I adore. On this day, I like being with that “special” person or kicking it with my people. I enjoy being in love and enjoy seeing others in love. I am a TRUE romantic!
Today, however, I was out of touch. I reached out to a few people, but I found myself doubting my worthiness for having love. I woke up this morning and knew it was going to be an “off” day for me. I woke up scared and worried about my future. I want this frame off of me, but am worried about my future ability to walk. I also woke up worried about my right foot and ankle – fear is setting in and I am scared of this situation happening to the other side of my body. I woke up uncertain and felt alone. On one of my favorite holidays (second to my birthday), I wanted this all to be over.
Today I don’t see the rainbow after the storm or the light at the end of the tunnel – today, I see a horrendous storm and no tunnel. Today, I feel like a joke with no hope. Today , I feel unworthy of love. Today.
Thank God today is almost over. It is 9:30 p.m. and I’ll spend the rest of the evening playing Flip Words. (I got so hooked on this internet game, I purchased it.) If anything, this game is a great distraction which forces me to use my brain. I plan to play this game until sleep finds me. Here’s to a better tomorrow.
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