Showering away the pain...

Goal: take a shower, let the hurt go, blog


Based on last night’s conversation wit my doctor, he is certain I do not have an infection at this time. He did inform me that the additional draining is due to the wire shifting under the skin since we are rotating the bone. Really??? (It’s these types of things one needs some advance notice about…gee, thanks!) I am glad to know an infection has not set in, but now we must watch my temp more closely and the pin site has to be wrapped again on a daily basis. (Sorry Bridgette; this means a litte more work for you during your daily visits.)


My shower this morning was nice and relaxing. I enjoy the feel of water cascading down my body. Once I am safely in place on my shower chair, I have no intentions of hurrying out of the shower. *smile* Since I am not showering daily, I appreciate this luxury so much more. When I am able to step into the shower, I am washing away the grit, pain, and sorrow of yesterday. I am saying to myslelf and my body, “Today is a new day. You are okay today.” (These are powerful words to hear and feel when you are down for the count.) Taking a shower, these days, is my way of letting go of the pain.


It’s crazy what type of coping mechanisms one can develop just to survive a 24-hour period. (For those just joining, a 24-hour period is all I plan for at this period in my life.) When I was in graduate school, a classmate, who later became one of my best girl friends, and I laughed hysterically about a coping mechanism we had in common: the couch.


The couch symbolized a safe place: you can curl up on it, it’s usually soft and comfortable, it’s stable, and it’s made for you to sit/lay on it until you are ready to get off. The couch never leaves you and doesn’t talk back; depending on how old it is, you sometimes create a dent, giving signature to your personal seat on the couch. (I am sitting on my couch typing this blog.) The couch…*smile*


Like the couch, showering is becoming a much needed coping mechanism. When I wake up unable to feel, I head for the shower. As taking a shower is also a true task these days, it also gives me a true sense of accomplishment once I have taken it. With the frame, the pain, and the energy it takes to get into position, it’s amazing that I even WANT to do it. Not to mention, after I have showered, I have to blow dry my frame for approximately 10 minutes, making sure all pin sites are dry. However, after all is said and done, I feel “so fresh and so clean,clean.” (LOL . That is taken from some song. *smile*)


Today, I showered. Today, I let go of some of the hurt I was holding onto. Today, I am still uncertain and unsure, but I did not cry today. Today, I asked God to open my heart so joy could find me once more. Today, I was able to say thank you for the love I recognize to be in my life. Today, I feel. Today, I showered.