Today I am sad. No one, particular incident occurred which I can blame for my state of mind, yet and still, I am sad today.
Part of me feels I should be happier since Friday will mark the removal of this frame, (I am claiming removal in the name of Jesus, Amen.) however, I can't find happiness at this moment. Maybe I am thinking of all the things I now wish for my life, causing another level of sadness. Maybe it's because I know I will have to release some things and some people in order to move forward, and knowing this makes me feel sad. Maybe it's my anticipation for Friday - maybe.
In truth, I maybe sad because I am thinking of a future for myself and I still see myself alone. I know that a relationship/marriage is not a fix all for life's unexpected turns, but now, more than ever before, I have a true desire to not walk through life alone.
I know Dearest is currently in my life, and for him I am thankful, however I am uncertain if there is a future with him. He has walked this journey with me. For five months, he has showed up - even when I didn't want him to. We have shared laughs, I have shared some fears, and he has also wiped away my tears; for five months God granted me a shoulder to lean on. If things could continue to be that simple, maybe I would be okay. But, like most things in my life, things are not that simple.
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